Fringient

2 | 13 | 2008 - 12 | 30 | 2017
I miss you my little God Daughter. <3 
My Storm Trooper~

Does this world seem a bit brighter to you? 

Do you remember when I first smiled on you? Just a five pound blue eyed beauty of a God Child.

Nine years and a week or so away you were born and swaddled in cloth..

I remember you slept in my arms so peacefully during Valentines day and I fell in love.

I fell in love with the baby who I would give the keys to my world you were my Queen..

My one and only baby among your other God siblings who held my heart so tightly. 

It's February and I still can't get the sound of the hospital out of my head.

My hands shake like Haitian side walks during the Earth quake.. I know I always preached to be strong!

To you and your sisters and brother but..

Apart of me died the second you passed away on my chest.. Your parents miss you..

They question me every day about your last moments because they didn't get to be there.

But listen we aren't supposed to out live our children that's just the unspoken law I grew up with.

I feel like I let you down, if I could have pulled my healthy organs out for you and my DNA I would have done so..

Some mornings I still hear the similar tone in your laugh from other kids. It brings tears to my eyes that sting like thunder claps.

The eclipse into the night will always be the heaviest. You were my little Night Trooper who shared my Mania the inability to sleep more than 3 hours in a day.. 

Baby I miss you my beloved God Daughter.. I would trade half my life away just to do it all again.. But this time you would live..

By. Xavier K. Hunter

First of all. I would like to inform you all I am engaged to the most beautiful woman ever. I am so happy to call her my wife. 
Some pictures will be coming soon.

Ticking the clock is ticking and I am still awake..

Like a boy caught in wonderland my Alice has gone from me to sleep.

I am the hatter still wondering why a raven is like a writing desk..

Time is going ever so slowly.. It's like the morrow refuses to come.

My magic cat slumbers amidst the noise and havoc of this clicking key board..

I am alone with my thoughts, I know it should be nothing new but somehow..

Somehow it always gets me at my highest point, chopping me down a few feet as a reminder

The world is not ready or rather humans are not ready for all that I am..

So I question and I grind my fingers to the bone stressing against work and school my chest hurts..

Far be it from me to complain of anything else besides the sickness that currently holds my lung captive.

Like treading water I know how to swim but my legs are like cinder block.. Pulling me just below the surface

It is a tease for oxygen that I crave so desperately the ocean is a co conspirator.

They scheme to see me perish below the depths in the deepest of water..

I remember when the ocean used to make me feel safe... Now its become the symbol of my struggle to survive..

No not in the means of finance but I mean on the inside.. I remember when prayers used to save me.. 

Now even God has found something better to do than hear me...

No matter what I will always keep telling my self..

"Everything will be Ok."

I just wish I could believe it.

Listen to my words as they peak in meaning, shedding light upon the darkness within my heart. It is an abhorrent darkness that is pitiless and swallows all. It had a name its name was Me.. The hidden shadow that mirrored my day time, now its just a closet where I stuff all insecurities and anger. Into the pitiless darkness it resides because there's no real space for it anywhere else. I was born to be carefree and weightless like a paper in air.

I know gravity exists but fuck your emotional gravity..

This is my fucking life story of happiness. These lines on my palms these cuts on my wrists and the tattoo on my back are my solid reminders.. That only my God judges me at all times. So when the world has an opinion I will not care. I am limitless in the eyes of man and those who can not understand fear me... For I am unstoppable, the immovable human whose will forever unfolds.

I am Ghangas Khan reborn in the flesh, a Warlord of Success through which I seek to implant every person with a bit of me. You will remember this boundless figure who rolls like the ocean waves and crashes like thunder! Gentle as the wind on grass but violent like the flames that consume all doubt and hesitation.

This world is lucky to have me in it still because I am the cog in the machine that turns so slowly. But every shift is something monumental to the future of it all. I will see this world go up in flames before I ever let anyone bring my to my knees again. I am a Riot in the streets like Malcolm X just died!

You can trust this man whose eyes go from wet to dry in a single blink. My choices are finite and when they are made they will never be changed.. So hush now world and take a back seat. I have made a choice and that choice will be written out on my actions. You birthed me on the inbetween line of a Silent personality of a Virgo but the Roaring Leo of strength and outgoing person. Thus deal with you bastard creation and know..

I am the King.

- Xavier K. Hunter

Today is the day that I confront having a desire for love.. People say play the field I patiently wait and look around for people akin to my tastes. I am not some out-striving go getter I work within my means. I am however far from a settler and for some fucking reason; the heavens have a sense of humor! Giving me people who love their space... When I love to be around them but if I am single I have no issue not being around them.. It's like i lose my cool without them.. Yet I should not be pinning so much upon them.. That is my issue so I am curious how will this work.. I am not a controlling person but I do have bounds and limits of understanding. I hate and love humans and recently I've become less fond of my gender counter part. Not for any reason of hate to gender but mainly because I can not find consistency or rather perhaps I am not at the place i need to be to gain the one person I am looking for.. I am making slow progress while taking small turns to explore every door... Is it better to be rich in experiences or rich in the matter of self and standing in the world.. I am unsure.. Perhaps they are one and the same an I am just not at that evolved point where people seek me as I seek them.. Perhaps..

Perhaps love shouldn't

Perhaps love won't

Perhaps love isn't meant for this rugged hands that bend broken pieces and rebuild shattered glass into a masterpiece.. I am a worker of human kind.. I see souls and I tinker to get them to tock and tick like the clock. Reminding them that they still have work to do.. That every day is a gift unlike the last. I confess... I am at the end of my rope. A sonnet lost to the ruckus of broken records and empty bottles on shelves..

My eldest god daughter mentioned that shes happy these bottles are never full of liqueur.. I ask her why because her humor is as twisted as mine at such a young age of 12. She said that if they were full our time together would be; 'should have been and could have been.. But wasn't..' An I laughed.. Little does she understand I finished every single one of these bottles.. An while I am still a hopelessly romantic person.. My one true flower of all, the one who holds my heart for now is her...

 The Child in which I held in my arms the day of her birth and baptism. My skin burns like two race war flags on fire.. I am baptized in the flame of vigor and rebirth..I will die seven times and rise an eight time just to see her smile.. The rosy red on her porcelain cheeks. The glitter of her sea blue eyes and the sweet strawberry scent of her favorite shampoo.. 

She is my tinker and she reminds me to tick tock and not stop.. Because I've still got work to do..

- Xavier K. Hunter, [ Untitled Poem ]. 

Hey all! It's been a very long time since I last updated you all on life and asked about your own. So I am going to set up a few questions and answer them myself, I hope to get some feed back from everyone else! Ready? Let's go!

[ What's happened in your life since we last spoke a few months ago? ]

Since I last spoke to you guys, I do vaguely remarking about how I attained my EMT license. With that in hand I now work on a rescue around my city and I am working to go to school once more! I haven't given up on my dream of being an English Teacher for High school and College, I just have to take a few detours before I can get there you know? I recently stumbled into a relationship which has caught me fully by surprise, yet I am content with her and she seems to be content with who I am. I think that's all that really matters no? [ Have a different opinion? Possibly some tips on how to better read a lover? Please do share!! ] 

[ How is/are your family/friend(s) doing as of late? ]

For myself I have found that my list of said 'friends' has shrunk down to a mere handful. I am happy with the results of this entire summer, I spent a lot of time weeding the giant Garden of Eden in my head. Turns out I found a few flower patches and a fruit tree worth keeping in my life, I couldn't be more satisfied. No doubt there are still those I still communicate with from time to time however they are not close enough to be considered more than a networking resource. Now my family is doing well, per usual I am still with my mother despite being 21, it helps with the school expenses and also pay a small rent fee. It's good, I feel it is a proper step in the right direction in learning to better manage money you know? She herself is doing very well physically and mentally. She is ever searching to attain more in her life. As for my girlfriend she is in College!! I am so proud of her, tomorrow is her first day and I am kinda nervous for her as well. I know it's weird having to be nervous, it makes me sound like a father but she does have her motherly moments with me as well. It seems like a proper trade off no?

[ How is your pet(s)? Do you intend to get more? If so what kind? ]

As some of you know my ferret Blizzard did pass away last year. It was a sad happening and I miss her dearly, I am still at a loss for getting another pet. For my soul the pain of her passing is still too near, you can not simply replace a best friend so easily.. So I do intend on getting a kitten soon and I hope it can become as close as I was to Blizzard. By the way how does the name Cobalt sound for the kitten once I buy it? [ Any tips on taking care of Cats for a first timer? Do share! ]

[ How have you developed in your hobby? ]

All in all I have developed poorly in the range of martial arts. I have had little time to actually spend on training my body and mind for competitions. It infuriates me but I am still determined to practice what I know when ever I can even when I am alone. Tis the only way I know. 

[ What does the near future hold? ]

In the near future I have lots of work to be done! Getting back into college and learning a lot more about finance working and saving. I know it should be something learned at a youthful age but really I doubt many people at this age had themselves together. So I do not feel so alone. XD 

[ Lastly; have you done your good turn daily and helped someone else in need? ]

Yes, yes I have and it filled my heart with joy to see the mother walk into her home with food for her kids!.

Alright guys that's enough about me, now I want to hear about you! So come on through, I will respond to everything I get. So if you feel like I missed yours, I didn't its on the list!